3 WAYS TO GET THROUGH THE HOLIDAYS AFTER A LOSS
DECEMBER 22, 2013 CRISIS MENDER
The first holiday season after a loss is especially difficult. Here are three suggestions to help you through this holiday season.
1. Spend time with those who share your loss. After a loss, the colorful baubles, dazzling lights, and blaring carols can seem like painful reminders of past time with your lost loved one. With the glitz of the decor in the malls and stores, the rushing around of traffic, and the planning of what to give each person on your list, it is easy to become overwhelmed and sink into depression. But the entire reason for the season is to share your appreciation and love of those around you. So, spending quality time with those who share your loss can be healing. Look at pictures from the past. Tell stories of your favorite times and worst times with the one you’ve lost. Tell about when you met. Tell about the silliest thing you ever shared. Tell about the most meaningful thing they every did for you. Tell about the embarrassing moments that are funny in retrospect. Share your
pain and your joy at remembering. It’s even okay to let yourself laugh.
2. When you are having a bad day, surround yourself with things that feel good, even if they are not holiday related. Maybe for you, that means taking “a day off”, or even taking the season off. If facing the holidays is too painful, give yourself permission not to do as much as you usually do. Give yourself permission to not get all the decorations up, to not get all the cards out on time or at all, or to not participate in all the activities you normally would. In the place of whatever you don’t do, place something in your day or season that is comforting. This may be leisurely lunch shared with a close or longtime friend. Or placing a goofy photo of your loved one’s one of his or her most adorable moments on the tree may be more your style. Curling up in bed for the day with the blankets drawn close and hot tea on your bedside is a great way to soothe your days of greatest heartache. Honor your loss. Take care of yourself. Allow yourself time to grieve. Then get back up and try again.
3. Do something special. Whether it is your first year or your
twelfth, do something that honors your loss. Find a charity that represented something important to your loved one and donate or give, as you are able. Go to your loved one’s favorite place and have a conversation with them, silently or aloud. Visit someone who was significant to your loved one, maybe reaching out to people they knew but you didn’t know so well; it may help both of you to feel better. If you set up a tradition of doing something, it becomes a special time in the holiday. A time to let yourself be sad, or happy. A time that is reserved for your feelings about your loved one. Make this a tradition in future years. Having a way to honor those we love keeps them alive in our hearts.
Remember that the sorrow you feel is proportional to the love you have for whomever you’ve lost. One way or another, you will get through the holidays. They will pass. Eventually, things will get better.